Dating someone emotionally unavailable gay

The person may be emotionally or geographically unavailable, for a man you'd want to date or sleep with, and it likely means other gay men.
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Then, suddenly, nada. You go a weekend without hearing from them, then a full week. Or two! If this happens once, the excuse might be valid. More harsh truth: Another classic sign of an emotionally unavailable person is that any relationship is always on their terms. If you try to talk about feelings or simply need their support, then they act like they are stressed, pressured, and smothered.

This charm can be seductive, flattering, and extremely hard to resist — and, when it goes cold, it can tempting to blame oneself for not giving enough. If they insist on calling all the shots, chances are they are too narcissistic to want emotional equality. Without this closeness and vulnerability, there can be no emotional intimacy — which means your relationship will have trouble becoming anything other than casual.

EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine says that, if it's making you unhappy, there's one simple way forward: Indeed, if someone is insistent on keeping your budding relationship a secret, if they will never commit to plans or offer support when you need them, move on.


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What you can do — and will do — is do better. If you want real love and a true partnership, then the first step is to stop seeking validation via a relationship you feel you have to 'save. Want to meet someone who is relationship-ready? At EliteSingles our members are looking for committed, lasting love. Join them here. If you have any any questions or comments about being emotionally unavailable or about dating someone who is , then please let us know below or email us: Let your dating partners know up front that you are only dating and not invested in anything long term: You are dating recreationally only.

This is difficult to do because many may decide to avoid and not date you as a consequence, but this is part of the reality of choosing short-term relationships.

Alarm bells: 5 warning signs that your crush is emotionally unavailable

After dating someone for a while, frustrations and issues start to rise. This is when the power struggle of all relationships begin. It's a positive indicator that you're with the right partner when these things happen and you work together to overcome them. However, if you don't want to do the work required to get past the issues, this would be the time to end and move on.

Dating more than one person ensures that you won't become overly involved with just one person. It also excludes those who are looking for an exclusive long-term relationship as they won't want to date you. Relationships are hard work.

5 signs that your crush is emotionally unavailable

They bring out the best and the worst in us. For you, Laurence, it brings out your inability to commit to someone.


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You enjoy the chase but not the catch. Deciding to stay requires you deal with the difficult thoughts and feelings that surface for you by keeping the catch and learn to get past them.

Are You Crazy? Dating Emotionally Unavailable Gay Men? on Vimeo

In your case, Laurence, I wonder about your partners' unavailability and how that set the pattern for you to be the one chasing and not enjoying being chased back. This could be a great opportunity for you to work these issues through should you decide to stay in the relationship and face these ghosts from your past. By maintaining a long-term relationship you are forced to look at parts of yourself you may not want to face. Partners mirror back the best and worst of us. What they need most from us is hardest for us to give because it usually is the very thing we need to do for ourselves!

Gay and Lesbian Relationships

If you're interested in finding the buried treasures which lie deep below, a long- term relationship will guide you to them. Laurence, my gut tells me that you do want a relationship and you want one to last. You have commitment issues which absolutely need to be addressed if that is ever going to happen. I recommend you enter psychotherapy but that you keep dating as well.

I don't believe that you have to get yourself well first before finding a partner. That is a cultural myth!

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What is true is that healing your commitment-phobia can occur by actually committing to someone and facing the darkest parts of yourself and your past. That said, it is totally acceptable for you to choose recreational dating only and avoid the harder parts of relationships.

They do demand a lot of work which can be gruelling and frightening. Not everyone is up for it. Decide what is right for you! Dr Joe Kort is a licensed clinical social worker and board-certified sexologist. Read Cruise Control by Robert Weiss. Sign up for our free bi-monthly Dr. Kort updates, news, and events to be sent right to your inbox.